The sound of chirping

Up out of bed a little earlier than usual, trying to convince myself that the 7.5 15.5 mile ride to work really is no big deal. The past day or two has been spent reviewing the weekend’s mild panic, and – much like the major nervous breakdown I navigated in late ’06 – I’m taking the opportunity to gulp down some major perspective, and to begin thinking through my next steps in this life: which way I should be heading, and how far to go.

Indeed, my conversation with Jeff the other night yielded the important realization that, for sure, ‘this’ isn’t the culmination of anything.

Why these major existential nodes must center around women and rejection I’m still trying to get my head around, but certainly the rising tide of angst has also much to do with the coming layoffs at work (our next federal contract is underfunded) and, with it, this new decision I must soon make between buying a home in this city or moving away altogether.

At any rate, however frustrating it is to realize that I’ve grown comfortable and soft, this ol’ brain of mine is happy to once again toy with the idea of potential.

[5]

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~ by TGV on May 21, 2008.

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