Your own worst enemy has come to town

Life-course freakout. I’ve found myself here too many times in my adulthood to date. I’m again noticing a few extra jitters and a few lost appetites. And the mild sting of loneliness I feel from time to time is, these days, more a crushing hollowness. And the satisfaction and security of my work, having recently proven itself fleeting, yields to the somewhat frantic process of planning my next moves, not to mention another sour evaluation of the moves I’ve made to get myself into this predicament once again. Indeed, how easy it would be to fall into those same old trappings: pessimism and doubt, loss of self-efficacy, and yes, even panic attacks and clinical depression.

But something is different about this time. Used to be that, despite my ability to observe and narrate my self-sabotage as it happened, I’d be powerless to do anything about it. This time, it’s no longer the quicksand legs of a bad dream. This time, I can run, and bend, and pivot, and make important sidesteps. This time, I engage in the battle without losing myself.

Maybe, this time, the curse is lifted.

[5]

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~ by TGV on May 26, 2008.

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